Bride for my Brother

Men have a way of screwing up! This story is about one such brotherhood: built on the road, and broken on the road…! You ask why I prefer to ride alone? Well this incident is one big reason why!

Some relationships you are born into. Others you make on the often complicated journey through life. One often imagines (or wishes) that these relationships will last for ever. But do they? 

Disclaimer: This story is completely made-up. Except for the parts that are completely TRUE!

It was a pleasant weekend on a beach in Mandrem, located in the extreme north of Goa, that the “Axis of Evil” first met up. The occasion was BulltMania – the very first of what would later become an annual pilgrimage for the hardcore Bullet motorcycle clubbie. And as many will fondly recall: probably the best BulltMania EVER! Now ofcourse, we know….!😏

You couldn’t have found 4 people more different than these four! Cutlet (who also features in some other stories in the #RoadTales series) was a struggling filmmaker from Mumbai. Then there was “Kid” from Pune, who claimed to be 18, but who we now know could not have been a day older than 16 at the time. “Kid” was the resident “All India Radio” – he knew everything about everybody in the Bullt Biker community! If there was gossip, he had it! Then there was @KaleshiBua, also from Pune: star rider/tourer etc etc and clearly the celebrity of the group, complete with the starry nakhras! Last – but by no means the least – was Jatt! So named not just because he was Sikh but because of his stubborn attitude! What he lacked in Height, he made up for with Attitude! He did what he wanted to! Ask him to go Left, and he will go Right. Ask him to go Right and he will go Left! And like the wind, he goes everywhere! Jatt was a dress designer by profession – though critics allege that most of the over-priced clothes in his store were not his original creations but picked up from a catalogue and smuggled in from Bangkok or Malaysia. Jatt had ridden down all the way from Kanpur in central india just to attend this biker meet! RESPECT!! Such a disparate group could only have come together through the hand of god!

How did these 4 manage to find each other among 200 bikers from across India? Well, @KaleshiBua and the Kid were both from Pune and had met at the house of a common biker friend just the previous week. On a whim, they decided to ride to the first BulletMania together that year. Cutlet’s Girlfriend (now ex-Wife) was @KaleshiBua’s classmate in Pune Film School. And Jatt was Cutlet’s “Brother from another mother”.

To return to our story, this motley bunch met in that Beach Shack in Mandrem and got along like proverbial peas in a pod! So much so, that after the event wrapped up, the gang of 4 decided to head south and explore Goa, eventually settling down to spend a whole week in a shack on a (then) remote beach called *secret*, in the very south of Goa. Back then, *secret* was this secluded beach with white sand and Blue water and not the mess it is today. Back then, it was an unspoilt beach, popular with backpacking Europeans where one could find accommodation for 2 adults for as little as 60 rupees a night! This was 2003 buddy, so calm your chuddies!

After a wonderful week spent in this heaven by the shore, the gang of 4 returned to their respective homes, but not before resolving, that next year, and every year after that, the annual pilgrimage to BulletMania would be rounded off by a visit to the very same shack on our *secret beach*! It was like our own Dil Chahta Hain moment – you know that cult Bollywood film?! Yeah, we were cliched like that only!

The following year, BulletMania was not held in Goa (indeed it has not been held in Goa since). However the Gang of 4 still kept their resolution and rode to the very same beach even though it entailed an extra ride of over 600 kms each way. Once in Goa, the Gang also had to give a not so subtle G-P-L (Kick on the arse) to some pesky wannabe bikers from the Chandigarh Club who tried to tag along! No offense meant to anyone brothers! But the *secret beach* brotherhood was a private one and that’s the way they preferred to keep it! And the annual Week long ride to that beach in South Goa was Tradition – Sacred Tradition!

Cut to 2006. A lot had happened the past 3 years! Cutlet’s first Bollywood film had released and sunk at the Box Office without a trace ! We had told him it was terrible when he first narrated the script 3 years back! “Kid” was in Business School. Jatt did his first Ladakh ride in 2005 with @KaleshiBua – So he was not a “Leh virgin” anymore! And if you believe the rumor mills (and by that I mean “Kid” ofcourse), Jatt & @KaleshiBua kind of hooked up on that ride – basically boinking-n-blowing 4 times a day from Pangong Lake all the way back to Manali! Chinese troops posted at Finger 4 of Pangong Lake reportedly abandoned their posts and fled back to Xinjiang when they heard the Banshee sounds coming from that Tent! But all these are unsubstantiated rumors ofcourse without a shred of evidence!

In 2006, BulletMania was being held near Chennai in the South of India. Cougie and “Kid” were over the annual biker festival which had grown tiresome over the years. But they still had the Tradition to uphold. So an alternate plan was made! @KaleshiBua and “Kid” would truck their bikes to Chennai and fly down to join the other 2 after they were done at the Festival. Together, the “Axis of Evil” would then ride across South India in 6 days ending in *secret beach* in South Goa where they would spend 4 days, attend a Hippy Rock Festival in Palolem before heading home! Marvellous plan!

 

@KaleshiBua and “Kid” landed in Chennai, collected and unpacked their bikes and rode ahead to Pondicherry to wait for the other 2 to join up. There was an unforeseen delay at the Festival, so Cutlet and Jatt landed only a day later. But they weren’t alone! Riding pillion with Jatt was “Alina”*!

Cutlet filled us in! Alina was a troubled teenager from Ukraine who had flown down to Goa on a charter flight with her family – Goa was a very popular destination for Ukrainians at the time. There she had met up with a bunch of riders heading for the Biker Festival in Chennai and had hitched a ride with them to visit South India. And guess who she met at the Festival? Our Jatt! She would be riding back to Goa with the Group!😒

So that evening on a beach near Pondicherry, while Alina was resting in her shack, Jatt and Cutlet indulged in some disgusting “Guy Talk” about *sharing* while Cougie and “Kid” looked on in disgust! SHE WAS A MINOR!! But when has that ever been a problem for horny Bullet boys?! Cutlet also had a steady Girlfriend back in Mumbai, but what happens on a Ride doesn’t count – Apparently! After hearing all this disgusting “Guy talk”, @KaleshiBua was desperately searching for a BarfBag but she couldn’t find one strapped to her chair! Bummer!

The group rode ahead to Kodaikanal the next day. What a beautiful ride it was! Riding up the Palani Ghat as unseasonal rains pounded the unprepared group all the way up! Long and Tiring Ride Day but FUNNNN! The group was supposed to have a day’s rest in Kodai before riding ahead. But there was one problem. They woke up the next day to find Jatt had vanished leaving a note in @KaleshiBua’s saddle bag pocket.

“Riding ahead! Dump Alina on the way in Kannur and meet me in Goa”.

That f*****g Son of a Bitch! So the Axis was now down from 4 to 3 with another distraught young girl riding pillion as they set out from Kodai towards Kannur instead of Bekal as originally planned. That evening, the group checked into this marvellous little cottage in Kannur located on a cliff overlooking the Arabian Sea! Seriously guys! I think we could totally use this cottage as the primary for our “Phir Ijaazat” script!

Cutlet chose this moment to make his move on that poor distraught girl and no amount of arguments would convince him to stay away! He went into the room with evil on his mind but returned 20 minutes later frothing with anger – at Jatt! Apparently our poor, naive and obviously very troubled Ukrainian girl had fallen in love with our Jatt “Lucifer” and had completely fallen for all the tricks that Indian girls have seen Indian men play! So Alina now became our “Bhabhi” – sister-in-law in Indian tradition. In true Bollywood style, Cutlet and “Kid” promised to reunite her with their “Brother” and drill some sense into his head! Over the next 2 days, Alina became a part of the group as they rode to catch up with Jatt in Goa. “Kid” & Alina even developed this weird Brother-Sister sibling dynamic that was totally weird! @KaleshiBua looked on at this drama with a mix of amusement & Disgust! She sympathised with poor Alina ofcourse! But she was the trained script-writer in the group but these fellas had turned their ride into some crappy Bollywood film written by Imtiaz Ali!😒 *spoiler alert* Unlike Imtiaz Ali films, this story does have a happy ending but not quite the way Immy would write it! The loser “lost-boy” does NOT win this one! Read on!

Where was Jatt all this while? He was riding a day ahead of us and in constant touch with us over SMS. 2 days later, we had stopped at a Gas pump just south of the Goa border to refuel when I sent a short text message telling Jatt we were reaching in the next 2 hours and Alina was with us. In retrospect, perhaps that was a mistake! Because Jatt did what Indian men do in these circumstances – He Fled! He packed up his bags, loaded up his motorcycle and FLED! Cutlet and “Kid” were flipping mad but Alina had resigned herself to her fate by then! After 2 more days in Goa, she came with the group back to Pune before flying back to Ukraine!

Alina had apparently recovered when she left India. But she regressed and 6 months later she flew back to India with her family in tow hoping to meet Jatt’s family in Kanpur. *Somebody* may have given her Jatt’s home address!😏 So one day in August 2007, Alina and her family landed up at Jatt’s parent’s home who ofcourse were totally clueless about all that had gone down! What do you think Jatt did? HE FLED!!

Everyone has moved on! Jatt even got married and then divorced – TWICE! Alina moved to Poland and later to Germany where she now lives. She has found love with a wonderful guy and has 2 kids. “Kid” moved to Australia where he now does Emu Farming! Cutlet and @KaleshiBua did the annual Goa ride thing every year for another couple of years but they too drifted apart! Things were never the same after Alina episode! The “Axis of Evil” was now officially over!

And that kids is one story about how Relationships are made and lost on the Road!